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At Bay

Jrain opened his eyes and inhaled sharply.

He gulped. His pulse quickened and eyes widened. He’d never been this high up before. No, not on a mountain or a cliff. He spoke of himself.

The intoxicating rush he’d been fighting swept over him. He shut his eyes and grimaced. Such power … he wanted to stand tall and marvel at his newfound stature and strength. He wanted to feel the earth and forest behind him give way to his weight.

He knew he could show them all what it felt like to be powerless. He would make them change things for the better for his friends—for everyone. He could storm up to that town and command respect from their smug leaders. He could pick them up and … and …

Jrain opened his eyes with sudden panic, realizing his anger had made him lapse in controlling his size. His bioluminescence was glowing intensely as he felt and saw himself steadily expanding meter by meter. He was sitting in the sea with his legs propped up in front of him, so he felt his knees slightly bending more as his calves and thighs lengthened; his back was sliding farther upward against the white cliffside with his shoulders rising above the edge.

Normally, mother nature could exert her will over Jrain; he was beholden to adjust to the currents of her whims when he swam in the ocean’s depths, but now it was as a puddle. The strongest winds were like a whisper. There was no one and nothing that could stop him.

He felt his face become hot with a mixture of pleasure and shame. He raised his paws and put them farther out in the sea so that his knees weren’t bending so much. He then bowed his head and tried shutting out the world and his thoughts. He had to ignore how it felt to be this large—to grow this much. He’d fought so hard and long this day to tap into his power without getting swept away in it.

He hated how easy it was. He would not lose control. Not again … not like last time.

Real respect is not forced. It is earned, he thought to himself as he shut his eyes in meditation once more. I will earn their trust. I will earn their attention.

Jrain dwelled further on how nature was the only reason he had his power. He faced the same challenges and limitations as his fellow citizens did when he was on their level. They had to live and work with each other. No one there had the inherent power to enforce their will on others because they had to rally people behind their charisma and causes. Jrain knew who he had behind him, and whom he had to support.

Either way, he was the same now as he was when he ventured to these isolated shores. He depended on others and this good world. He focused on these truths, even if they didn’t have to define his reality. He had to for their sake—for his own sake.

Jrain’s breathing and heart rate had returned to normal. He opened his eyes again and let the world’s sights and sounds return.

Several minutes had apparently passed. Pelicans had perched on his mountainous shoulders and knees. A brave few had even settled atop his face, which made him grin for a moment since he appeared as a statue to them. He moved not a muscle to leave the birds at peace as they rested on him, or dove from him into the waves far below. Jrain had likely unsettled the fish with his presence, and with a chorus of desperate chirps building behind him on the plateau, he realized there were young mouths to feed. He was glad to have not awakened them or the parents when he passed them by earlier and dove from the edge into the waters.

He also noticed his bioluminescence was fading since he had depleted the last of his energy. His heart leapt at the sight, and he sighed in relief with a rare victory. He hadn’t lost control.

Maybe there was hope to wrestle this power under his will. It was his fight. It was a secret he shared only with mother nature, and he dared not disrespect her even when he wanted to.

Jrain craned his neck slightly to the west, watching the sky turn into a spectacular rainbow gradient as the sun set. Coming to the sea in the morning was one thing, but to see twilight was something he would never fail to be amazed by. This peace, isolation, silence—he couldn’t be without them, especially now. He folded his hands as his heart grew content.

Jrain loosened the tension in his shoulders and beamed as he silently gazed at the pelicans on his body, watching them play, prune each other’s feathers, and soar over the cold ocean. He could be a monster. But this evening, he was himself. He was helpful and welcome.

Maybe he could change. Maybe he could control this curse. Glimmers of hope like this kept him fixed on making that dream he had all those months ago come true.

The sun finally dipped below the horizon, and Jrain exhaled peacefully.

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